Thursday, August 30, 2007

C'mon, Kids! We're going to Orlando for ...

The Holy Land Experience!!!!!
Bitchin', dad!!
KICK ASS, mom!

Wait. The What?

That's right, guys the Holy Land Experience. You're going to LOVE it.

Poor Kids.

I can't imagine a more soul draining experience myself. I'm not a big fan of theme parks anyway, but this just looks mind-numbingly boring. It is also quite deceptive to be teaching these innocent kids -- probably from the mid-west and likely home-schooled -- that Jerusalem is all about Jesus and how the holy land is going to be rebuilt for them and their fair skinned freckled friends and cleansed of all non-believers when really there are rich religious traditions from three major faiths running deep in the city. They will be groomed to believe that Jerusalem belongs to them and their god before they ever get a chance to learn about the people who live there today and what they believe. If they learned from the beginning that there are three main faiths here, they all think they alone are right, they all try to kill each other every several years because they know they are right, and it doesn't look like they will ever stop killing each other until they admit that their own particular fairy stories are not true and not the only perspective from which to see the world, we might be a little better off.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Nice Embouchure, Larry

I just have to say this is about the funniest thing I've read from a police report. Larry Craig said "that he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom and that "his foot may have touched mine." while apparently trying to instigate sex with an undercover policeman. This is just another in a long list of politicians who want moral laws passed against behavior that they themselves practice in their private lives. Here's what the president of the Human Rights Campaign had to say. Here's what I have I have to say: What a douche.

Keri who tipped me to the story also saw the other funny side of the issue. That being that the undercover cop sounds just like Angelo Mancuso from A Confederacy of Dunces who gets the worst beat possible which is sitting in the public restroom waiting around for homosexuals. The difference is that this guy actually made an arrest and it was a freaking senator! If you haven't read it you're missing out on one of the funniest books ever (and many strange allusions that I use almost daily.) Read it.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Sixth Sign?

Well, this could be it, guys.

The moon will be turning red tonight during the lunar eclipse.

And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; Rev. 6:12

I might get up to watch it because I haven't seen one in a while. Also, It could be near the end of the world; there's only seven seals, you know. If anyone is going to be up, let me know. If you need a way to stay awake until 2:30 or 3:00 - when things start to get interesting - you can try reading the rest of Revelations. Actually, I dare you to read Revelations. It is some crazy stuff - kind of like an LSD trip, but not as fun.

Thoughts for Christians Concerned with Marriage Rights

Whether you are an ultra fundamentalist who hates fags altogether, or a more tolerant Christian who still believes that "marriage is between a man and a woman" I think you should stop and think before you start making laws for all of us. Some folks in California want to "protect marriage" which means nothing except discriminating against same-sex couples.

As a Christian I would be extremely wary of a government sanctioning an institution like marriage. If you are a true believer why would you want a secular government to mandate the details of your sacred institution? It is in your best interests to keep the government out of your church and your bedroom lest they decide that the way you worship or marry or whatever isn't the right way. When Jesus said render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's we usually think about taxes, but shouldn't that apply to letting the government take care of governing and keeping your private beliefs out of it. Jesus never encouraged influencing the government with religious ideas, he spoke about letting it do it's job (and making sure you pay your fair share to make sure it can.)

Here's what Randy Thomasson, one of the organizers for California Marriage Amendment, had to say:

"This is proof positive that the initiative, which will prevent marriage from being abolished and prevent marriage rights from being eliminated, is absolutely needed to protect the sacred institution of marriage from activist judges and liberal politicians,"

This is typical language of his kind to scare you into thinking that there is some kind of threat. Do you really think that marriage will be abolished? Seriously?? And marriage rights eliminated? I don't think that is anybody's agenda, but the goal is to offer benefits to people who deserve them from the perspective of a government that is concerned for the well being of it's citizens and not a government that wants to look into every bedroom in the country and make sure there's nothing they don't approve of going on.

Lets all try to move forward here and leave behind these people who's idea of government is to watch you have sex and tell you that you're doing it in the wrong way or with the wrong person. Whether you are a godless liberal or a bible thumpin' fundie, no one wants Uncle Sam telling us how to worship, marry, fuck or anything else we do in our churches, homes, or parked cars.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


Wow. This is too cool to pass up. Someone named Robert Bowie Johnson has a new book called Noah in Ancient Greek Art. His books are about how ancient Greek art actually depicts Bible stories - not Greek mythology - and so the Bible stories must be true. I think I can pretty much guess at the entire bibliography for this book:

An article by Dr. Henry Morris, famous young earth creationist and founder of the Institute for Creation Research who's degree is in hydraulic engineering. (Should it surprise you that he has no education in biology, geology or any other field related to what he wrote about? No, because he is a YEC! What do you expect?)

Genesis 1:1 - Revelation 22:21 because this is the most up-to-date and accurate writing we have on art history - as well as biology, physics, music, teen dating and ethics.

Dr. Bronner (It's good to have a couple of doctors on the list - and, I do love the soap.)

An article from Parade Magazine (You need to have an article from a peer-reviewed journal in there too.)

Oh yeah. Another recommendation for this author is that his last book "has been translated into French and Greek." To me that sounds like when a shitty sit-com in syndication announces that it is available in Spanish during the opening credits. Impressive.

Here's the best part of the press release though:

"To shock the Darwinists out of their denial of the overwhelming evidence in Greek art for the reality of Genesis events, the author urges Creationists to refer to evolutionists as what they imagine they are—'Slime-Snake-Monkey-People.'"
I guess I have to claim to be a slime-snake-monkey-person, since I am not too sure that Athena was actually Ham (Noah's son)'s wife.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Biology and Mathematics in Harmony

According to Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, the elephant is the only mammal that can not jump.

The elephant is also the only mammal with four knees.

It is impossible to jump without knees.

Based on this information, I can only assume that in order for a mammal to jump it must possess at least one, but less than four knees. In other words,

More research is needed on one and three legged mammals, but I think the basic concept of my theory is pretty solid. Feel free, biologists, evo-devos and mathematicians to expound on my work, but please have the courtesy to give credit where credit is due when using my equation(s).

Friday, August 3, 2007

Cartoons? They're Not Even Funny.

Here's a cartoon called Umbert the Unborn. The creator, Gary Cangemi says "The cartoon gives a name, face and personality to the unborn baby within." Not surprisingly, the cartoon is not very funny. Pro-lifers want to use the cartoon in sex-ed classes to show kids that women's reproductive rights and stem-cell research is evil.

For some reason, my favorite lines about the conception of the article are these: 'At first, he was unable to come up with a "U" name until he remembered the name of an author he had recently read - Umberto Eco. "Umberto sounded too ethnic," Cangemi said. "So I knocked off the 'o,' and Umbert was conceived."' I can just picture some of the people in my city who don't want their kids learning about birth control, but are also scared of "ethnic" people and who would, behind closed doors, say something like "I wish those damn Mexicans would learn to use some birth control. You can't swing a dead cat in this town without hitting a pregnant Mexican!!!"
Anyway, I made my own cartoon. It's not very funny either.